


Eram Quod Es; Eris Quod Sum (I Was What You Are; You Will Be What I Am)

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Abuse, Bad Karma Lone Wanderer, Gen, Minor Character Death, Post Game, those!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: Charon is concerned when he and Rose May come across a young boy whose town has been destroyed.  He expects her to continue her post-purifier reign of terror on this helpless boy, but the outcome surprises-and horrifies- him.





	1. Mala Fide (In Bad Faith)

**Author's Note:**

> Since it's going to be fairly prominent in this fic, I feel like I should put a general disclaimer that Rose May is a terrible, terrible person, who has Charon's contract and treats him abusively.

Charon stills when the young boy runs up to them.  Part of him wants to yell at the child to run to where it’s safe, but he knows he can’t.  He’s witnessed more depravity since Rose May purchased his contract than is contained in the rest of his memories combined.  He had never expected to miss Ahzrukhal, but here he is.  This won’t end well for the young boy.  

Something in Rose May has solidified since Project Purity.  He’s blurry on the details of her exact relation to the project, but she had watched it explode with immense satisfaction.  She had even killed the blonde woman who tried to force her to start the machine with an almost dreamy smile on her face.  

Charon had had to drag her out of the building that day.  His contract had obliged him to, to save her life.  That made her hate him more, he’s pretty sure.  

It makes him hate himself, too.  Self loathing is something he hadn’t realized he could feel anymore; he is a tool, no more responsible for his actions than a knife is responsible for what it does.  And yet.  

“You have to help me!” the kid says.  

“Listen, kid-” Rose May says, hand drifting towards the mesmetron.  

“They’re everywhere!  The monsters are going to get me!” the kid is in hysterics.

“You need to stop your whining and explain what’s going on,” Rose May says gruffly.  

“No!  You don’t care!  Grownups never care!  Except my papa, but now he’s probably dead with all the rest!” the kid yells.  

Rose May stills before squatting so she’s at eye level with the kid, in a move that surprises Charon.  She reaches out a gentle hand to rest on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

“What’s your name?” Rose May asks.

“Bryan Wilks,” the kid says, sniffling.  

“Okay, Bryan,” Rose May says, “I need you to be brave for me, and tell me what happened.  What’s after you?” 

Bryan nods, swallowing hard.  “My papa calls them those Fuckin’ Ants, but I just call them Fire Ants.  They came into Grayditch and attacked everyone!  I didn’t know what to do and Papa told me to run so I did.”

Charon nearly holds his breath the whole time he’s speaking.  He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.  The made up threat that Rose May will use to compel Charon to kill a defenseless kid.  The shot with the mesmetron to turn him into a slave, sent to Paradise Falls.  The part where she just walks away, leaving the crying child alone to be killed by the monsters chasing him.

“I’ll see about finding your dad,” Rose May says.  “Is there anywhere that you can stay?”

“You’re a real nice lady!” Bryan says.  “I can hide in the old portashelter behind the diner!  Just don’t take too long, okay?”

“I’ll check it out right away,” Rose May promises, before listening to Bryan describe exactly where he lives and exactly what his father looks like.

* * *

Charon regards the back of the blonde head with suspicion.  It’s not that it’s entirely unheard of for her to help someone, but only if there are caps or the promise of something she wants.  He can’t work out what her angle is in this instance.  The child has nothing of value.  

When they encounter the ants, his confusion grows.  An infestation of fire breathing ants is the kind of thing that she would normally leave for someone else to find.  But she cuts them all down with her wrench, heedless of the burns, and she finds the house that Bryan described.  

After dispatching the ants, she turns over the body of the man laying in the living room.  A look of… regret? sadness? (impossible) flits over her face as she examines the man.  

“Must be Bryan’s father,” she murmurs to herself.  

Charon knows better than to think she’s talking to him and remains silent.  

Rose May pats the dead man down, producing a key.  She pockets it and the caps in his pocket, but she doesn’t get up immediately.  Instead, she straightens his limbs out and closes his eyes.  This is new.  

She snaps her fingers-  _ move _ \- and leads him out the door.  Sadness twists her face as she looks towards the diner at the edge of town.  Her shoulders straighten and she heads to the next door.

The key works on the first door, and she enters the shack.  Her face goes blank as she looks over the scientific equipment.  She goes through the notes and equipment methodically.  Scientific equipment always makes her quiet.  From what Charon has gleamed, mainly from eavesdropping on the Brotherhood, her father was some kind of scientist.  Maybe that’s why.

* * *

Rose May hesitates for a moment in front of the shelter.  Charon wonders if this is going to be the part where she does something terrible.  She might lock him inside, or just leave him to sit in the shelter to rot.  

Instead, she kneels in front of the shelter before opening the door.  She tilts her head and goes still.  

“I'm so sorry, Bryan.  I found a man matching your father's description in the house you told me about,” Rose May says, resting a hand on his shoulder.  “He didn't make it.”

Bryan screws up his face, but very resolutely doesn't cry.  

“I guess I knew it.  He wouldn't’ve left me out here alone if he was alive,” Bryan says. 

The fingers around Bryan’s shoulder twitch, and  **this** must be it.  She's going to squeeze the life out of him.  It’ll be slow and agonizing, Charon is sure, but he feels a sick sort of relief.  At least this particular ordeal will be over; they’re on their way back to the base she’s been working on so it may be some time before they encounter anyone else.

But the fingers slacken and the blonde head bows.  

“I found some notes in the shack next door,” Rose May says.  “I’m going to get  _ justice _ for your dad.  I promise.”

“You’re hurt,” Bryan says, frowning.  “I don’t want you to get hurt like Papa did.”

“I’m a big, strong lady.  I don’t want you to worry about me.  I’ve dealt with a lot of things worse than some fucking ants,” Rose May says.  

“What about him?” Bryan points at Charon.

Rose May looks back towards Charon, regarding him cooly.  “He’ll be okay, too.”

“What if I’m alone again?” Bryan says.  

Rose May’s attention snaps back to Bryan and she brings her other hand up to cup Bryan’s cheek carefully.  “I want you to look at me, okay?”

Bryan nods.  

“I’m coming back for you.  I promise.  I’m not leaving you here,” Rose May says.  “Just be brave for a little longer.”

“I can do that,” Bryan says, voice laced with determination.  

“Good.  I’m proud of you already,” Rose May says.  

The child goes back into the portashelter, and Charon follows Rose May, as is his duty.  They make a beeline right for the nearby metro station.  He hadn’t bothered to try to read the scientific documents over her shoulder, and she didn’t tell him where they’re going.  She never does, unless she needs him to pack something.  

Charon assumes that they are going to abandon the child in his portashelter.  This is a rather prolonged bit of sadism, but hopefully the child will remain safe enough in there until someone else comes by.  It’s a faint hope in the wasteland, but it’s better than whatever else Rose May could have in store.  


	2. More Suo (In Her Usual Way)

“You want my help?” Rose May asks Dr. Lesko.  “Sir, at the moment I'm looking for incentive not to kill you.  Real incentive.”

This is a more familiar rhythm.  Threatening people in an attempt to extort goods from them.  That's the Rose May that Charon knows and loathes.  

“K-kill me?” The man practically squeaks.  “Why would you want to do something like that?”

_ Because you're weak. _ Charon knows what she usually says.  Sometimes she's a little more detailed.  Sometimes there's something about her deep deep hatred of the wasteland.  But that's the gist of it.  

“You massacred a whole town with your obsession with scientific advancement!  Because of your obsession, a boy,” here, her voice cracks with apparent emotion, “has lost his father.  There's no advancement worth that.”

Charon blinks.  There's no need for her to pull the innocent wastelander act.  She's done it before when they've been outnumbered and outgunned- generally only when they're in the heart of the Citadel- but there's no need when it's the two of them versus a weak scientist.  

Dr. Lesko falters a little before pulling two vials out of his bag.  “Look, I can give you a shot that I’ve synthesized from ant DNA.  It’ll make you stronger, or make you more perceptive.  Whichever you prefer.  That’s an incentive, right?”

“You’re the idiot scientist that make ants breathe  _ fire _ .  You want me to let you inject me with a serum of your design?” Rose May asks.  

“It’s completely safe,” Dr. Lesko says.  

Rose May shakes her head.  “Inject yourself first.”

Dr. Lesko pales.  “I don’t-”

Rose May grabs the vials out of his hands before he can finish, examining them.  She takes a syringe from the nearby table and inserts it into a vial, drawing the serum out before setting the vial aside.

“What are you doing?” Dr. Lesko squeaks, inching towards the door.  

“Charon, hold him,” Rose May commands.

Charon remains still.  This doesn’t fall under his bodyguard duty.

Rose May sighs and turns to look at him.  She regards him with an amused sort of coldness.  It’ll only take a moment for her to find a way to reassert control, but he savors these precious moments where he’s not doing exactly what she says.  

“Charon, he wants to try an experimental serum on me.  It’s a danger.  I need to try it on a subject to test its safety,” Rose Mays with a soft grin.  “So.  Hold.  Him.”

The contract compels him to obey.  His hands reach out, grabbing Dr. Lesko by the shoulders.  He’s an easy person to overpower, and Charon presents him to Rose May, heedless of his yelling.

“Thank you, Charon,” Rose May says.  “Dr. Lesko, I suggest you stop struggling.”

Rose May grabs Dr. Lesko’s wrist, wrenching the arm so the fleshy part of his forearm is exposed.  The man hasn’t stopped struggling, but she plunges the syringe into the vein on his arm.  She presses down.

The skin tears a little bit, blood trickling as Rose May pulls the syringe out.  She shakes her head, tutting.  

“I warned you,” Rose May says, taking a step back.  “You should have listened to me.”

Rose May watches the doctor sag; Charon doesn’t know how long they’re going to stand like this, but he can’t move.  

After an indeterminate amount of time, Rose May grabs another syringe.  She fills it with liquid from the other vial.  

“Charon, if I am rendered unconscious, squeeze on the dear Doctor’s throat until I wake up.  If I die, kill him and then present the contract to Bryan,” Rose May says.  “I bequeath your contract to him should I die.”

Charon watches as the needle slides into her veins.  So close.  If she dies, he's free from her.  The boy doesn't seem likely to be a quarter as cruel as she.  

“Don't look so hopeful, Charon,” Rose May says with a grin.  “ I don't really think I'm going to croak.  I promised Bryan, after all.”

Belaying her words, she sways after setting the syringe down.  She falls to the floor with surprising grace, and Charon squeezes Dr. Lesko’s throat.  

The old man fights against him, but it’s little more than background noise.  Charon’s eyes are transfixed on the rise and fall of Rose May’s chest.  Once that stops, he can place himself in Bryan’s employ.  Then, perhaps, there will be something approaching peace.  

The cool green eyes flutter open and the hand around Dr. Lesko’s throat opens with them.  Something wraps tight around Charon’s chest as the doctor falls to the ground.  

“It worked,” Rose May proclaims, getting to her feet.  She looks down at the crumpled body of Dr. Lesko.  “Well, I must have been out  _ just  _ long enough for him to die, it seems.  How unfortunate.”

Charon looks down at the body before him.  He hadn’t even noticed when the doctor stopped struggling.  The tight feeling in his chest sinks in.  It’s going to be a long, long time until she dies.

“We’ll clean out the ant infestation and then get back to Bryan,” Rose May decides.  “Just gotta kill all the ants, first.”

Charon just grunts.


	3. Requiescat In Pace (Let Him Rest In Peace)

“You came back!” Bryan says when Rose May opens the portashelter.  “You really came back!”

“I promised,” Rose May says, kneeling so they’re at eye level again.  “And I promised I’d get justice for your father.  Those fuckin’ ants will never hurt anyone again.”  

Bryan surges forward, wrapping his arms around Rose May and squeezing.  It takes a moment, but Rose May hugs the child back.

“Thanks, lady,” Bryan says.  

“You can call me Rose May,” she says. 

“Rose May,” Bryan repeats.  “That’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you,” Rose May says.  

Bryan pulls away, pointing at Charon.  “What’s your name?”

“His name is Charon,” Rose May says, before Charon can open his mouth.  “He works for me.”

“Well, thank you, too,” Bryan says.  

Charon just nods.  He doesn’t have to say anything, so he doesn’t.  He’s just watching this pantomime play out, wondering where it’s going to end.

“He’s not very friendly,” Rose May explains, turning Bryan’s attention back towards her before shooting Charon a glare.  By now, he understands most of Rose May’s glares, but he’s not sure what this particular one means.  “Don’t worry about him.  Now, we should make sure to give your father a proper burial.”

“Really?” Bryan says. 

“Of course,” Rose May says.

Ah, okay.  They’re going to bury the kid alive.  That’s terrible.  Maybe Charon will be able to “accidentally” set his gun off, or something to make sure the kid goes quick.  They don’t often bury people alive, but it’s always miserable.  

They find some shovels in Dr. Lesko’s shack, and the three of them dig quietly.  It’s tiring work, but at least the ground isn’t too hard.  Charon is waiting for his opportunity to create an accident, but nothing arises.

“Bryan,” Rose May finally says when Bryan starts to visibly tire, “why don’t you take a rest?  Charon can keep digging.  Come with me.”

Rose May leads Bryan back into the house, and Charon keeps digging diligently.  This technically isn’t part of his contract, but if he works without complaint, maybe she’ll toss Bryan into the pit herself.  

They’re gone for a couple of minutes when Rose May comes back, carrying something in her arms.  For a moment, Charon thinks it’s Bryan, but it’s too large and the boy exits the house a moment later.  

“Are you done, yet?” Rose May asks.  

Charon nods, sticking the shovel in the ground beside the grave.  It’s not six feet deep, but it’s deep enough to bury a child in.  Rose May doesn’t like those graves to be too deep anyway.

Rose May kneels slowly.  She lays a wrapped body- presumably Bryan’s father- in the grave.  Her actions are slow, deliberate.  Not unusual, but she does imbue her actions with a sort of care that Charon didn’t know she was capable of.  

“I don’t know what to do next,” Bryan says.  “Never really did many funerals.”

“No worries.  Charon will fill in the grave slowly, and you can say something about your father,” Rose May says.

Charon does as he’s bid, burying this stranger.  He works slowly, evenly, to cover the man.  

“Papa was a good man,” Bryan says.  “He always did his best to make sure that I was safe and happy.  I miss him a lot and I… I…”

The boy makes a pained gasp and Charon looks up, fully expecting to see him broken and bloody.  Instead, he sees Bryan hugging Rose May, who has knelt down beside him.  She wraps her arms around Bryan, rubbing his back and rocking back and forth gently.  

“It’s okay,” Rose May soothes.  “I know it’s hard.”

Charon can’t help but stare at the sight of the terror of the wastes hugging and comforting a small child about the death of his father.  They’ve cut down countless people, heedless of their familial ties.  

Rose May notices him staring at her, and glares at him, hard.  The intention is clear:  _ get to work _ .  

Charon looks away, concentrating on burying the man in the grave.  He tries to block out the noise, burying it under the sounds of his own digging and heavy breathing, but he can’t quite do it all the way.  

The sobs turn into gasps for air turn into sniffles turn into silence.  

“The wasteland took your father,” Rose May says, “because it is a cruel and senseless place.  You’ll mourn him.  You’ll miss him.  And you’ll figure out your place without him.”

“Am I just gonna stay here?” Bryan asks.  “Is that my place?  Alone?”

Rose May brushes her fingers through Bryan’s hair.  “Is there anyone who could take care of you?”

“I, uh, have an aunt, I think.  Papa used to talk about Aunt Vera, up in Rivet City,” Bryan says.  “She owns a hotel on a boat.”

They know Vera Weatherly.  They’ve stayed at her hotel numerous times.  Not that Rose May particularly likes being somewhere more populated, but she’s still stayed in the city for a couple days before.  

Charon can’t imagine trekking all the way to Rivet City with a kid in tow.  Not with Rose May.  Surely, surely they’ll just abandon the kid now.  

“I see,” Rose May says.  

“I understand if you don’t want to go all the way out there,” Bryan says, scuffing his foot on the ground.  “I can just stay here.  It’s lonely, but…”

“You should come live with me,” Rose May says softly.  “I’m building a home, and there’s a place for you there.  It’ll be safe.  I promise.”

That surprises Charon, but maybe it shouldn’t.  She has no issue with providing Paradise Falls with slaves, even if she hasn’t actually sold them any children yet.  So, jumping to actually owning a slave isn’t  _ that _ much of a leap.  

“Really?” Bryan asks.  

“It’s a dangerous world out there, Bryan,” Rose May says.  “I can keep you safe.  Even better- I can show you how to keep yourself safe.”

Bryan’s face twists, and Charon wonders if he can sense the malevolence radiating from her.  Maybe something in him will smarten up and he’ll make a run for it.  

“Are you sure?” Bryan asks.  

“Of course,” Rose May says.  “You deserve better than this.”

“Thanks so much, Rose May!  You really are a nice lady!” Bryan says.

Bryan surges forward, hugging Rose May again.  This time, it’s a happy hug.  He pulls her tight, and Charon can’t tell if the shaking is coming from her or from him as she presses her cheek to the top of his head and hugs him back.  


	4. Video Et Taceo	(I See And Keep Silent)

After Project Purity, Rose May had wandered for days.  Charon hadn’t been sure where she was going, but he had followed silently behind her.  Truthfully, it didn’t matter where she went.  He didn’t have any say.

Eventually, they had stumbled across a raider encampment.  Not unusual, but what was unusual was that they had made their camp up on the ruins of a prewar highway.

Rose May had cleared the bodies from the encampment by dropping them off and had promptly drifted off to sleep.  It had taken some time before Charon had realized that she was making it into a home of sorts.  

Since then, they’ve returned there regularly, bringing more fortifications and more for her stash of weapons and food.  The turrets had been the most recent addition, but she had reinforced the walls with metal she had him drag up the freeway remains.  

It's a few days walk from Grayditch to her outpost.  Charon follows behind a half step behind Rose May and Bryan.  He’s waiting, anxiously, for the shoe to drop.  Although, reflects, she’s probably always wanted to drop someone alive over the edge of the freeway, so maybe it’s actually Bryan that’s going to drop.  

Bryan keeps looking back at him, seemingly nervous, but doesn’t actually say anything to him.  Rose May keeps him distracted, anyway, with questions about his life.  She’s always careful, backing off if he starts to get upset, and then diverting him to something that makes him sound happier.  

It’s not until they make camp two nights in that Bryan turns the tables a little.  He’s looking into the fire moodily, leaning against Rose May.  She’s actually shifted so he’s tucked right under her arm, and she’s smiling down at him softly.  

“Rose May….” Bryan asks.  

“Yeah?”

“You know about Grayditch, but where are you from?” Bryan asks.  

Rose May is silent for a long moment, the light from the fire throwing her face into sharp relief.  Her carefully blank face and sudden rigidity set Charon’s teeth on edge.  She’s struggling with something.

“I grew up in a Vault,” Rose May says, voice so quiet that Charon has to strain to hear her over the fire.  “Small, underground.  We were safe there.  We were happy.  It was different than the wasteland.”

“Charon, too?”  Bryan asks.  

“No.  He grew up in DC,” Rose May says.  It’s not anything he’s ever told her about; she would never ask and he doesn’t remember.  Convenient enough.  “By “we” I meant my dad.”

“Your dad?” Bryan perks up.  “Where is he?  Can I meet him?  Is he nice like you?”

Rose May tilts her head just a little, so she’s looking Charon square in the eye.  Her jaw is set and there’s dulled fire in her eyes.  It’s obvious she doesn’t want him there; it would be admitting weakness to send him away.

Charon should leave anyway.  He does not.

“The Wasteland killed him, like it killed your dad,” Rose May says.  Her eyes run over Charon’s scarred face.  “All he wanted to do was help it, the Wasteland, and, well, he paid for that kindness.” 

“Papa said that we should always try to be kind, if we can be,” Bryan says.

Rose May pulls away and finally looks away from Charon.  She nudges Bryan so he’s looking up at her, looking almost… apologetic.  Regretful.  

“That’s what my dad always taught me, too.  Sometimes dads are wrong,” Rose May says.  “I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s true.”

“Maybe they are…”  Bryan chews on his bottom lip, uncertain.  “But about being kind?”

“It’s hard, I understand.  Just… think about it, okay?” Rose May says.  

Bryan nods, relaxing back against Rose May’s side.  He yawns and drifts off to sleep as Rose May starts running her fingers through his hair.  It’s only a few minutes later that he starts to snore lightly.

Rose May eases his head so it’s resting in her lap: a more comfortable position for him to sleep in.  She rests one hand on Bryan’s side and keeps stroking his hair with the other.  Her eyes look at Bryan’s face searchingly, and Charon is relieved to remain out of her gaze.  

“Oh, Charon,” Rose May says softly, “I believe I heard a deathclaw.  Patrol, but stay in yelling distance.”

There’s no deathclaw and they both know it, but Charon is obliged to pull himself to his feet.  His body may ache, but it’s his duty to make sure his employer is safe.  

Rose May tuts at him as he starts his patrol, shaking her head as she regards him.  

“Charon,” Rose May says, voice still soft, but with an edge.  “At your height, you’re going to alert them to our presence.  You should get on your knees.”

 Charon grits his teeth and drops to his knees.  The position makes his back ache, along with the expected ache in his knees. He crawls around the perimeter of the camp, trying to keep the pain off his face.  At least shame had been burned out of him long, long before Rose May had stumbled into Ninth Circle.  

A few hours later, he hears a soft, “Charon, come,” from behind him.  He crawls back, sitting back on his haunches before Rose May, Bryan still asleep with his head in her lap.  It’s tempting to get to his feet, but he doesn’t want to tempt her temper right now.  Not until he understands.

“Keep watch while I sleep,” Rose May says.  “You can get up, but no sitting.”

Charon gets to his feet, feeling his joints pop.  This is a little better, but he’s still sore all over.  

“Goodnight, Charon,” Rose May says.  

Charon doesn’t say anything as she scoops Bryan up easily.  She lays him down on a bedroll and covers him with a blanket that she took from some family a few weeks ago.  It had been her favorite- freshly made and without tears or stains- but now she’s given it to Bryan, apparently.  

Rose May takes her time with tucking him in, making sure that he’s fully covered before laying down on her own bedroll.  She’s taken ownership of a blanket that used to be Charon’s, curling up under it.  

She watches the back of Bryan’s head for a long minute before turning over so she’s facing the dark ring outside the light of the fire.  This is how she always sleeps- vigilant, even in rest.

Charon takes a few steps towards her once her breathing has evened out and he knows she’s unconscious.  Despite her muscular frame, like everyone else, she’s vulnerable in sleep.  Her throat is right  _ there _ and her head is uncovered- she was never fond of wearing helmets.  It’d be so easy to take a knife to slit her throat or take a shotgun to her skull.  If only she didn’t have his contract.

He had known that Ahzrukhal was a greedy fool, and he had been content enough to bide his time.  Ahzrukhal would sell his contract eventually, freeing him to murder his past employer.  Making the wasteland a slightly better place, after being forced to do so many terrible actions on his behalf.

Rose May isn’t a fool.  She’s not going to sell his contract.  The only way to end his servitude to her is for her to die.  Just one moment of sloppiness and he'd be free of her.  

Charon stares down at her unconscious body.  So close yet so far.  


End file.
